Amrit Yoga Institute and Emotional Puking

Yogi Amrit Desai teaching about human consciousness and the effect it has on the body. He speaks about the old emotional baggage we carry with us from our past and that baggage we live with from day to day which can be regurgitated in the present in a concept known as “Emotional Puking.” The negative experience and energy resurfaces to effect us negatively. The solution to this problem is conscious awareness and meditation.

More from the Amrit Yoga Institute

Human Aggression and Destructive Game Play

Image of two female boxers.

“So important to group living to the higher primates that when individuals are separated from their groups, they suffer. R.A. Butler, in a study of “Curiosity in Monkeys,” has demonstrated that to a monkey the simple sight of another monkey is more welcome than food.”

This was proven by a Duke University Research study. “Rhesus macaques at Duke University Medical Center’s monkey colony are able to trade fruit juice for peeks at photos of female perinea (the scientific term for “bright pink monkey butt”). Researchers led by neurobiologist Michael Platt have consistently found that males are willing to trade juice to view these images and will trade more juice to look at monkey erotica than any other image, including powerful males or friendly female faces.”

In many important studies with rhesus monkeys, researchers have found that deep psychological harm can be inflicted on the young of these species if they are separated from their parents. This can and does sometimes happens in the wild and Jane van Lawick-Goodall has told of “a little male chimpanzee who had lost his mother and who became progressively more isolated, neurotic, stunted in growth, and who eventually died of a polio infection.” This sometimes happens with married couples who have enjoyed a period of longevity together. After the death of one of the spouses, the other spouses soon succumbs in death as well.

It is my opinion that the psyche of the adult human primate can be just as delicate than that of newly born offspring. The isolation and stunted growth that comes with the onset of disease which can further isolate and alienate individuals, and with the capabilities man has harnessed with the manipulation and use of electro-magnetic frequency can further complicate matters and our very delicate psychological health. This technology can illicit outward symptoms of apparent illness causing further isolation and alienation among adult male and female humans and the use of this technology is enough to spark public outrage to its possible sinister uses! Proof this technology is being used  can be summed up as follows: the brain works on two signatures, one chemical, and one electrical.

In this light, human beings are very similar to the ancestral forebears: “the most severe punishment short of death our society metes out to wrongdoers is solitary confinement. And loneliness is widely considered the most severe malady one can suffer. We are true primates in our emotional reliance on each other.” So what am I suggesting? I am suggesting that man has harnessed the capability to thin his heard, thereby getting away with murder except making it look like illness. Call me a conspiracy theorist, I don’t care. What I do know, is that this has been happening and it is happening to me and the people around me that I love.

Evolutionary biologists have repeatedly stressed that human evolution could not have played out as much as it did without our reciprocal mutual respect, mutual aid, and mutual cooperation. Our development of linguistic skills and higher problem solving capabilities have also allowed for the formation of highly sophisticated technological advancements as well as advancements in game play with all its destructive possibilities. Strategic operations and securing resources we need for our preservation and survival which has evolved the mutation we have come to know as the psychopath. Much like gender identity, the roots of psychopathy are both biological and social. That is to say, psychopaths have a predilection located on their DNA which aid in their personality formation as well as social reinforces that help promote behavior. Those internal lights that light up the brain and reward a person for behavior.

The anti-thesis to this argument of course is that hatred, conflict, and obstruction facilitates the “other’s” survival. Eliminating a perceived threat, even if that threat is delusional, seeks a grander purposes of self-preservation and here in lies the roots of man’s psychopathy. No longer living in closely knit packs on the open plains of the African Savannah, we now live in fragmented packs living in the tightly closed spaces of the concrete jungle where jobs and resources are scarce and competition fierce. Today, even more than ever before in our primate ancestral history, we have become hard pressed to seek and secure without empathy those things required for our survival. No longer enjoying unconstrained time structures, we have sacrificed some of the most important things we require for healthy living; bonding time with our family, being present in nature, and accepting and being happy with less than more. The ever elusive dollar and need for accumulated wealth has forsaken our basic primate needs. If we were ever to place an actual dollar value on these commodities I wonder what economists, lawyers, and financiers would recommend as a price tag? Also, how much would it be worth to destroy your enemy? Just ask MI6 what they dole out for sharp shooter when one is required.

Quotes taken from “The Nature of Human Aggression” by Ashley Monagu and “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” by Ogi Ogas
Disclaimer: The use of sports related performance drills, like the ones found in boxing and kick boxing, can be a fun way to relieve stress and help provide health benefits, provided that you don’t turn these skills on to your neighbor when he or she parks in your parking space or accidentally takes you newspaper.


Dimorphism In Nature; One-Part He and One-Part She

An image of a bilateral gynandromorph, Hypolimnas bolina, otherwise known as the Blue Moon Butterfly

The difference in appearance between a species’ males and females is called sexual dimorphism. The term implies that there’s a bisecting line between sexes, a clear divide. But in the animal kingdom, a lot of creatures straddle it. The natural world is replete with hermaphrodites, animals that may outwardly appear male or female but have the reproductive organs of both. Their less common cousins are gynandromorph, animals that are a mosaic of male and female traits – say, the size and coloring of one with the genitalia of the other.

Rarer yet is the bilateral gynandromorph (above), an animal that’s half him and half her, Bilateral Gynandromorph6.jpgsplit at the midline. The phenomenon has been documented in birds, crustaceans – and butterflies. Evolutionary biologists Josh Jahner explains “what most scientists think happens” to form these outliers: Butterflies’ sex chromosome are the reverse of humans’ – males have two alike (ZZ), and females have two different (ZW). A female’s egg sometimes contain a double nuclei, a Z and a W. When they’re “double fertilized” by a male’s Z sperm, the resulting embryo is half each sex. That is to say, their chromosomal aberration is ZZZW. Out of 30,000 butterflies found and raised in a lab only five bilateral gynandromorphs emerged.

THE DRAW BACK: The bilateral gynandromorphs appear to be sterile. They apparently fail at laying eggs, likely because of an irregularity in their reproductive systems. So their breed sports a striking fusion of color, it’s a beauty they apparently can’t pass on.

A bilateral gynandromoroph Northern Cardinal.
To read more regarding gender identity check out the January 2017 Issue of National Geographic. It is a special issue published regarding the Gender Revolution.


For The Love Of Alcohol (edited)


“Alcoholic beverages were a by-product of civilization, not central to it. Even the website of the German Brewers’ Federation takes the line that beer was likely an offshoot of bread making by the first farmers.” ~Andrew Curry

For more than 9,000 years humans have maintained a long-term relationship with alcohol. More than just a mind altering substance, alcohol has fueled the development of arts, language, and religion. “Our ape ancestors started eating fermented fruits on the forest floor, and that made all the difference, we were pre-adapted for consuming alcohol,” says Nathaniel Dominy, a biological anthropologist at Dartmouth College. This “drunken monkey” hypothesis suggests that monkeys who could get to the fermenting fruit at the bottom of the forest floor faster had higher chances of survival and copulation rates. Fermenting fruit has more sugar calories making it a high calorie food source and, one that would have served our active primate ancestors well. The ethanol properties, although low in concentration, would have had antimicrobial properties to help fight diseases as well. There is very little scientific evidence of animals in the wide ever getting enough alcohol from fermented fruit to exhibit “drunken behavior.” It would be more along the lines of a “satisfied glow.”

Evidence suggests that a critical gene mutation that occurred in our last common ancestor of African apes, dated at about 10 million years ago, made it possible for humans to digest ethanol at a rate of 40 times higher than before. This gene, ADH4, created an enzyme that made it possible for our bodies to break down alcohol faster and enjoy more of the overripe bounty on the forest floor, without suffering ill effects. “You could say, we came out of the trees to get a beer.”

Homo Sapien Turns Homo Imbibens

After our discovery of the pleasant side effects to fermenting fruit, it’s highly probable that we then made the transition from nomadic life to a more settled existence. You could say we “settled down to start farming for booze,” and food. Thus, Homo sapien turns Homo imbibens. The discovery that wild grasses could be turned in to ripple pushed humans fast to plant and breed high yielding barley, wheat, and other grains we know today. This places us at about 9,000 years ago when the transition from wondering nomad to agricultural based farming was established. At an ancient site known as Göbekli Tepe located in southeastern Turkey, T-shape pillars dated to around 11,600 years ago were discovered. This site showed evidence of hunter-gatherers congregating to the location for religious ceremonies and were driven to settle down in order to worship more regularly. Large barrels that could hold 40 gallons of liquid were discovered with trace evidence they were used for fermenting wild grasses. Evidence of oxalate residue, a crusty whitish chemical left behind when water and grain mix, was discovered in the tubs. In addition, one vessel contained the shoulder bone of a wild ass, just the right size and shape for stirring a foaming liquid. Some of the oldest firm evidence of alcohol fermentation took place by 7000 B.C. at a site called Jiahu, China. Evidence found at this sight suggest that a cocktail made out of rice, hawthorn berries, honey, and wild grapes was produced for imbibing. It is the earliest evidence for a beer, wine, and mead concoction all in one. But it turns out that even the nomads of Central Asia made up for their lack of fermented fruits and grains by fermenting horse milk. The result is koumiss, a tangy drink with the alcohol content of a weak beer.

The historical roots for imbibing alcohol remained the same for our more modern ancestors as well. People drank alcohol for the same reasons primates ate fermenting fruit. It was good for them. Yeasts produce ethanol, a chemical used in fighting biological warfare. Ethanol is toxic to other substances like microbes that compete with them for sugar inside the fruit. The antimicrobial effects benefits the drinker. This helps explain why people in antiquity drank alcoholic beverages in mass quantity. It was safer and more beneficial than drinking the water. In addition to these medicinal properties the kinds of beer produced in antiquity were not pasteurized, filtered, or hopped out. This resulted in a drink that was fortified with B vitamins, folic acid, niacin, thiamine, and riboflavin and in the Near East beer was a sort of enriched liquid bread.

The ancient Sumerians over 4,000 years ago had a simple recipe for producing a micro batch of brew that incorporated toasted barley cookies, crushed barley malt, milled emmer, an ancient grain, and three quarts of water. Allowed to “rise” for about 24 hours what you end up with is an ancient Sumerian grain alcohol that was safer to drink than water. It’s provocative to ponder the possibility that ancient language may have developed out of a need to transcribe and preserve this recipe for future generations. Eventually ancient Egyptians progressed away from home brewing towards large scale mass production. These denizens of industry and knowledge maintained industrial scale breweries that were used to supply their slave labor force, which built their monuments, temples, and pyramids with this life sustaining form of liquid bread. Even ancient Babylonian sources from 500 B.C. reflected dozens of types of recorded beers; red beer, pale beer, and dark beer.

Adelheid Otto, an archaeologist from Munich thinks the nutrients that fermenting added to early grain made Mesopotamian civilization viable, providing basic vitamins missing from what was otherwise a depressingly bad diet. “They had bread and barley porridge, plus maybe some meat at feasts.” Other than that nutrition was very bad. But as soon as you have beer, you have everything you need to develop really well. “I’m convinced this is why the first high cultures arose in the Near East,” says Otto.

Homo Imbibens Re-tells An All Too Familiar Faustian Theme And Explains The Roots Of Our Drunken History

Human beings never seem to know when to stop. We always go too far, at least that was Johann Wolfgang Goethe’s prime thesis in his stage play “Faust.” The ancient Romans proved this with their mass over-consumption of wine before battle. This suggests that ancient humans felt is necessary that one must get “properly deluded” before picking up a weapon and charging off to war. At a site called Corent, located in central France, archaeologists have uncovered the foundations of a major Celtic ceremonial center and regional capital dated to the first and second century B.C. At around 140 B.C. Corent inhabitants developed a ferocious taste for expensive Roman wine. From the unearthed remains at this site it has been determined the population at this time in history drank 28,000 bottles of expensive Italian red a year. The cites estimated population, 10,000 people. At this period in time, “…wine was primarily drunk by elites,” says Matthieu Poux, a Franco-Swiss archaeologist. “We have to assume lots more beer and mead was drunk by commoners.” That’s a lot of alcohol!

The spiritual and intellectual connections between humans and alcohol can be re-told by the ancient Greeks. In a symposium fueled by wine it was believed, “The first bowl of wine is for health, the second for pleasure, and the third for sleep. When this bowl is drunk up, the wise guests go home.” The comic poet Eubulus warned people during the fourth century B.C. about the down fall of over consumption. “The fourth bowl is ours no longer, but belongs to violence; the fifth to uproar; the sixth to drunken revel; the seventh to black eyes. The eighth is the policeman’s; the ninth belongs to biliousness; and the tenth to madness and the hurling of furniture.”

“Millions of years ago, when food was harder to come by, the attraction to ethanol and the brain chemistry that lit up to reward the discovery of fermented fruit may have been a critical survival advantage for our primate ancestors. Today those genetic and neurochemical traits may be at the root of compulsive drinking,” says Robert Dudley.

So what does this have to do with global climate change, the melting of Antarctica, Trump as president, and the deforestation of the rain forest? “Hmmmmmm.” Maybe we’re all just over performers?

To read more about the our historical roots with ethanol check out the February 2017 edition of National Geographic “Saving Our Oceans,” The Birth of Booze, page 30.

Greyscale Goods; a new on-line shopping experience for androgynous females

For gender-nonconforming individuals finding clothing you feel comfortable in can be a daunting, unpleasant, if not impossible task. Greyscale Goods founded by Sara Medd acting CEO, is a company that will personalize your clothing selections for you. First, you fill out a profile that indicates, body shape, size, measurements, and preferences and then, Greyscale Goods selects clothing based on your feedback for you. You will then receive a box of clothing in the mail which you get to try on. If you’re not happy with any of the choices, you simply send them back in a prepaid packaged envelope. You pay only for those items you decide to keep. The ideas is ingenious! I absolutely love the concept as a business strategy and that it targets a marginalized group of individuals addressing fashion and clothing style needs. It will revolutionize the way you’ve been shopping lately.

Talking About Gender

A young boy in a dress and women shoes wedges himself between two posts at a camp designed to support and encourage gender-nonconforming males.

Where should families begin when it comes to talking about gender identity? Most children by the time they learn to talk will declare a gender identity that aligns most usually with their biological marker, boy or girl. At around two years of age most children become aware of the differences between the two gendered sexes. By age four, most children have a stable sense of their own gender identity, that sense of self that establishes them as who they are, boy or girl. During these early developmental years children also learn their gender roles, those activities that are unique to boys and those activities which are unique to girls.

If you are confused about how your child sees him/herself you can simply ask the question, do you feel you are boy or a girl? Even this simple question is no sure way to tell whether the child will grow to be gender nonconforming adult, but it can help shed clues to their unique developmental sense of self and help provide clues as to how he or she feels about their gender identity.

The reasons for gender dysphoria are believed to be both biological and social. There is no evidence that links gender identity to parenting or early childhood trauma. It is important to extend as much love, support, and unconditional acceptance of your child for who they are. “Research suggests that gender is something we are born with; it can’t be changed by any interventions.” It is also important that children’s interest and abilities be encouraged and strengthened no matter what gender they seem to orientate themselves with. Being socially accepted in the home can be a tremendous support structure for a young person who may have to deal with public social unacceptance. The proper guidance by the parents to help a child achieve their own unique fullest potential is priceless, rather than mold them in to gender conforming stereotypical and traditional gender roles which can create anxieties and depression.

Typically, gender identity will become clear in early childhood, sexual orientation occurs much later. Talking to your child about sex or sexuality openly instead of shying away from the topic is another good idea. Research has shown that children who are talked to about sexuality are the most likely to postpone sexual activity. Parents should be honest about their own values, explaining their beliefs and reason for them. “Many gender-nonconforming children grow-up to identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual: all are at risk for bullying and mental health problems. Gender and sexuality concerns spur a large share of teen suicides attempts.”

A note worthy quote I refer to often was postulated by Lucy Holmes in her book “Wrestling with Destiny,” which has been, to date, one of the best psychoanalytic pieces of literature I have come across. Although this quote primarily deals with women, I can’t help but ponder the social implications for men with gender dsyphoria issues:

“The women I treated and treat consistently demonstrate that they have an internalized triangle of mother, father and self within their psyches, and I have hypothesized that this unconscious triangulation is set up when girls, on a fantasy level, use the introjection of early parental objects in much the same way that boys use the penis: to gain mastery and control over an essentially uncontrollable object, the pre-Oedipal mother, and later, the Oedipal father.”

Approaching your gender-nonconforming child from a nonjudgmental perspective is best as well as offering understanding, respect, and support. This establishes the home environment as a “safe house,” one where ideas can be openly explored, topics freely discussed, and one in which your child can draw informed decisions using their own logic and intellect. Be on the look out for signs of anxiety, insecurity, depression, and low self-esteem. Stand up for your child when your child is mistreated. Do not minimize the social pressure or bullying your child may be facing. Do not be indifferent or encourage slurs or jokes based on gender identity or sexual orientation. Among the organizations that support parents and families with gender-nonconforming children are:

The following is a link to various gender terms and their definitions. It’s noteworthy to look over and to orientate yourself with these terms and the various possible spectrum of gender identity constellations that can unfold for your child.

Gender Identity; Terms Defined

Gender Identity; Terms Defined


The portrait of gender identities I had become familiar with while growing-up were these four basic terms; Homosexual, Lesbian, Transgender, and Heterosexual. Since the late 60s and early 70s gender identity has redefined itself. To get a glimpse of the “new” gender revolution that has taken place National Geographic required 21 terms to be defined when speaking about an individuals gender issues. Since the whole issue of gender identity can become very confusing, I thought posting the various defined terms for clarity might help in understanding a person’s gender constellation. They are as follows:

AGENDER: Describes a person who does not identify as having a gender identity that can be categorized as man or woman or who identifies as not having a gender identity.

ANDROGYNOUS: A combination of masculine and feminine traits or a nontraditional gender expression.

CISGENDER (pronounced sis-gender): A term to describe a person whose gender identity matches the biological sex they were assigned at birth. (It is sometimes abbreviated as “cis.”)

GENDER BINARY: The idea that gender is strictly an either-or option of male/man/masculine or female/woman/feminine based on sex assigned at birth, rather than a continuum or spectrum of gender identities and expressions. The gender binary is considered to be limiting and problematic for those who do not fit neatly into the either-or categories.

GENDER CONFORMING: A person whose gender expression is consistent with cultural norms expected for the gender. According to these norms, boys and men are or should be masculine, and girls and women are or should be feminine. Not all cisgender people are gender conforming, and not all transgender people are gender nonconforming. (For example, a transgender woman may have a very feminine gender expression.)

GENDER DYSPHORIA: The medical diagnosis for being transgender as defined by the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition (DSM-V). The inclusion of gender dysphoria as a diagnosis in DSM-V is controversial in transgender communities because it implies that being transgender is a mental illness rather than a valid identity. But because a formal diagnosis is generally required in order to receive or provide treatment in the United States, it does enable access to medical care for some people who wouldn’t ordinarily be eligible to receive it.

GENDER EXPRESSION: A person’s outward gender presentation, usually comprising personal style, clothing, hair style, clothing, hair style, make-up, jewelry, vocal inflection, and body language. Gender expression is typically categorized as masculine, feminine, or androgynous. All people express a gender. Gender expression can be congruent with a person’s gender identity, or not.

GENDERFLUID: Someone whose gender identity or expression shifts between man/masculine and woman/feminine or falls somewhere along this spectrum.

GENDER IDENTITY: A person’s deep-seated, internal sense of who they are as a gendered being: the gender with which they identify themselves.

GENDER MARKER: The designation (male, female, or another) that appears on a person’s official records, such as birth certificate or driver’s license. The gender marker on a transgender person’s documents is their sex assigned at birth unless they legally change it, in parts of the world allowing that.

GENDER NONCONFORMING: A person whose gender expression is perceived as being inconsistent with cultural norms expected for that gender. Specifically, boys or men are not “masculine enough” or are feminine, while girls or women are not “feminine enough” or are masculine. Not all transgender people are gender nonconforming, and not all gender-nonconforming people identify as transgender. Cisgender people may also be gender nonconforming. Gender nonconformity is often inaccurately confused with sexual orientation. An example would be the “tomgirl” who grew up to become a FBI field agent or an “effeminate boy” who who grew up to become a Nurse. These are nontraditional gender roles that are not necessarily representative of sexual orientation.

GENDERQUEER: Someone whose gender identity is neither man nor woman, is between or beyond genders, or is some combination of genders.

INTERSEX: A category that describes a person with a disorder of sexual development (DSD), a reproductive, genetic, genital, or hormonal configuration that results in a body that often can’t be easily categorized as male or female. Intersex is frequently confused with transgender, but the two are completely distinct. A more familiar term, hermaphrodite, is considered outdated and offensive.

LGBTQ: An acronym used to refer to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and/or questioning individuals and communities, LGBTQ is not a synonym for “nonheterosexual,” since that incorrectly implies that transgender is a sexual orientation. Variants include LGBT and LGBQ.

NONBINARY: A spectrum of gender identities and expressions, often based on the rejection of the gender binary’s assumption that gender is strictly an either-or option of male/man/masculine or female/woman/feminine based on sex assigned at birth. Terms include “agender,” “bi-gender,” “gender-queer,” “gender fluid,” and “pangender.”

PRONOUNS: Affirming pronouns are the most respectful and accurate pronouns for all person as defined by that person. It’s best to ask which pronouns a person uses. In addition to the familiar “he,” “she,” and “they,” newly created no gendered pronouns include “zie” and “per.”

PUBERTY SUPPRESSION: A medical process that pauses the hormonal changes that activate puberty in young adolescents. The result is a purposeful delay of the development of secondary sexual characteristics (such as breast growth, testicular enlargement, facial hair, body fat redistribution, voice changes). Suppression allows more time to make decisions about hormonal interventions and can prevent the increased dysphoria that often accompanies puberty for transgender youth.

QUEER: An umbrella term for a range of people who are not heterosexual and/or cisgender. It has been historically used as a slur; some have reclaimed it as affirming, while others still consider it derogatory.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: A person’s feelings of attraction to ward other people A person may be attracted to people of the same sex, of the opposite sex, of both sexes, or without reference to sex or gender. Some people do not experience sexual attraction and may identify as asexual. Sexual orientation is about attraction to other people (external), while gender identity is a deep-seated sense of self (internal).

TRANSGENDER: Sometimes abbreviated as “trans,” an adjective used to describe a person whose gender identity does not match the biological sex they were assigned at birth. It can refer to a range of identities including transgender boys and men, people who identify as boy or man but were assigned female at birth, and transgender girls and women, people who identify as a girl or woman but were assigned male at birth.

TRANSSEXUAL: This is an older term that has been used to refer to a transgender person who has had hormonal or surgical interventions to change their body to be more aligned with their gender identity than with the sex that they were assigned at birth. While still used as an identity label by some, “transgender” has generally become the term of choice.

Source: The Teaching Transgender Toolkit, by Eli R. Green and Luca Maurer
National Geographic, January 2017 Issue, Gender Revolution


Narcissistic Abuse and Dealing with Boundaryless Behavior (edited)


A good read on the “exhausting mind screw” of the Narcissist which I had fallen victim to many times in the past. More than I’d care to talk about. So, I started reading books and recognizing how to use knowledge and wisdom over emotion to gain leverage and support with tactics to combat the unconscienceless behavior which diminishes good will and trust. Understanding the tactics employed by this type of psychopath is important if you are to recognize how they play you like a musical instrument. Techniques like “gaslight,” making one self-doubt and question what’s really happening. Other strategies like projecting on to you their responsibility, “You owe me!” and unsubstantiated claims like, “You’re just like me!” Narcissists are creatures of habit just like you and I. Listening and watching for the “repetition behaviors,” those words and phrases frequently used in conversation will help to analyze and understand their strategies and assist in formalizing your own personal strategy in combating them and changing outcomes.

“As a result, we don’t feel heard, which diminishes trust and goodwill…we are frustrated, don’t feel listened to or more importantly heard. Our concerns go unresolved. They mount. Our emotions are nearly completely shut down just as the narcissist is. We explode which gives them justification in their eyes to abuse us further saying “see! YOU really have a problem with anger!” (projecting their emotions onto us because WE CAN FEEL them). It’s an exhausting mind screw. No other way to put it. And why over complicate it by using some textbook term to describe it?! It’s a Mind Screw! It’s exhausting, burns us out and makes most of us never want to argue like this with another person again in our lives.”

At some point along the way we “allowed our rights to be violated by not standing up, (protecting ourselves) walking away (holding the narcissist accountable) and refusing to remain (respecting our own worth) in the company of someone who doesn’t respect us.”

Common to Narcissistic abuse is an “extreme power imbalance, punishment & reward system, Stockholm syndrome and brainwashing, as all victims of abuse we “allow” things to happen due to the abusive schema.”

As victims and caregivers “we’re used to putting ourselves last to please others and we constantly acquiesce. This is the “boundarylessness” of narcissistic abuse and what we call “forced codependence”. It’s the lowest point in the narcissistic “relationship”; having none of our own needs met, having the narcissist demand that theirs are or else they punish us with rage or silence,  having hatred, blame and shame projected upon us with no defense (no boundaries) and accepting all of it while feeling  hopelessly worthless, loveless, lonely and stuck in a cycle of learned helplessness.”

My question is this, “How do you stop the boundraylessness and unconscienceless behavior of a narcissist who is using technological means, like electro-magnetic frequency (radio-waves), to sicken his/her victims and punish them for a perceived narcissistic injury?” Contrary to popular belief, this is the “lowest point” in narcissistic abuse because he/she has systematically shut the victim down and prevented them to perform work, well at least only the work he has deemed suitable. To read further please click the link below.

Narcissistic Abuse and Dealing with Boundaryless Behavior

Pumpkin Spiced Loaf with Pumpkin Butter (edited)


While shopping in my local farmer’s market the other day I purchased a 12.89 lb cheese pumpkin! Pumpkin is one of my all time favorite vegetables and since I have never made homemade pumpkin puree before, I decided to try. Boasted about by many personal home cooks who have assured me of the absolutely fantastic attributes to making fresh, I embarked on the tireless endeavor of cleaning the pumpkin, roasting the pumpkin, cooling the pumpkin, peeling and chopping the pumpkin, and then pureeing it in batches for my sterilized jars. A true labor of love and one that I have to agree is well worth the effort! The flavor is so much more sweeter than the store bought canned varieties which means you use less sugar, and the flavor so much more fresh and intense. Here are just two things I decided to make with my fresh puree!


Makes 8 generous servings

2 cups oat flour
¾ teaspoon salt
1 heaping tablespoon baking powder
¾ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
Pinch of ground cloves

1 cup Lactaid Milk 2%
3 tablespoons ground flax seed
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 ½ cups unsweetened pumpkin puree
1/3 cup canola oil
¾ teaspoon lemon juice
½ cup brown sugar
¼ teaspoon fresh lemon zest

Preheat oven to 415F

Combine all the dry ingredients in a large bowl.

Combine all the wet ingredients in the bowl of a food processor and process. This activates the flax eggs.

Fold the wet ingredients in to the dry ingredients. Mix well.

Grease a loaf pan. Pour batter in to loaf pan. Sprinkle with pumpkin seeds, raw oats and/or sugar.

Bake at 415F for 20 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 395F and bake an additional 25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of loaf comes out clean. Baking time may equal 40-50 minutes depending since oven temperatures can vary.

Cool loaf in pan for 30 minutes before removing. Serve with Pumpkin Butter. (recipe follows)



1 (15 oz) solid pack pumpkin
½ cup brown sugar
½ cup water
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 tablespoon grated lemon peel (see Cook’s Note)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
Pinch of ground cloves, optional

In a large saucepan, combine all ingredients. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently. Reduce heat, and simmer for 15-20 minutes to thicken and to allow flavors to blend. When butter starts to thicken turn off heat.

Cool. Spoon in to clean and sterilized jars. I filled three 6 oz jars with butter my recipe yielded. Keeps for up to 3 weeks. Yields 2 cups.

COOK’S NOTE: I grated a scant amount of fresh lemon zest to add to the saucepan. My personal taste tells me that one full tablespoon of lemon zest would be entirely too strong for flavor. Use your own taste discretion.


2 tablespoons; 42 calories; 0 fat; 0 cholesterol; 38mg sodium; 11 grams carbohydrate; 9 grams sugar; 1 gram fiber, 0 protein and a boat load of vitamin A and C

Human Aggression; Cooperation Versus Indifference (edited)

Police stand near burning limousine during protest against  Trump on sidelines of inauguration in Washington, D.C., U.S.,
Violence erupts in the streets during Donald Trump’s Inauguration, Washington, D.C.

So I don’t live in the nicest town in New Jersey. In fact, Trenton has seen its fair share of corruption and criminal activity and to top it all off, last night was one of the spookiest nights of the new year. The Northeast is experiencing a Nor’easter and it’s been rainy, windy, cold, and unpleasant for the last 48 hours. I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised to have been awaken by a rapping on my back door at 3:00 am in the morning, except for the fact that no one in their right mind comes knocking at that hour. A gentle rapping signaling “Please let me in” increased in crescendo to a full blown pounding and rattling with intermittent bursts of shoving on our securely locked back door. Who in god’s name could it be at this hour? A gentleman dressed in black that’s who, who also declared to our neighbors in a narcissistic rage, “She said she LOVED me and now she won’t open the door for me!” and also declared “Mom I’m at the back door! Let me in! I’m at the wrong house!?” Despite this last declaration he still continued to shove the door open. Why is it when you are waiting for the police to arrive at your most desperate hour every moment seems like an eternity? By the time the police did arrive, which wasn’t too long afterward, the mysterious man in black had vanished and further searching yielded no results.


With my interest in human aggression this night might be considered serendipitous, however, the completely frightening, helpless terror one feels when one is confronted on the side of the unexpected and unknown is indescribable. Human aggression has demonstrated that the way people behave is a reflection of what has happened to them, not a reflection of their innate drives. Peoples forced into a consignment they are not prepared to deal with can have catastrophic results. Individuals who were once generous, compassionate, and honest, once deprived of their traditional way of life, the only life they knew how to live, can turn indifferent and even hostile to others and to outsiders. Environmental changes can force individuals and people to scramble for themselves in order to survive.

Violence & Culture.jpgWhen whole groups are forced into a situation they can not handle, the response has been to split wide open, to neglect their children, to abandon their earlier habits of compassion and cooperation. And as a result they will soon be extinct. Indifference is not conducive to human survival. It’s very likely that this has happened before in our human history when groups were not able to handle their misfortunes together, perhaps they died separately and the group vanished. If that has happened, and there is no reason to suppose it has not, then those of us on earth at this moment are the descendants of people who had first of all a certain amount of good luck in the condition of their lives: not too much famine, not too much natural catastrophe, not too much sudden climate change, and at least so far not irremediably too stupid and blind a government. And we are also the descendants of those people who, given that certain amount of luck, helped each other through whatever did come to them.

There could be no claim made that humans beings are innately generous and helpful, any more than they are innately hostile and violent. There are within all of us potentialities to be helpful, just as there are within us potentialities to be violent. But the point is that cooperative drives have helped play a vastly more important role, during the five million or so years of evolution from ape to human being, than have our potentialities for violence. Let’s pray we’re all a little smarter than we look.